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co.de.pen.dence (co.di.pen´.dens) n. [root ME. dependaunce <> Also written co-dependence. The condition or fact of being codependent; specifically, a) tendency to place the needs and wants of others first and to the exclusion of acknowledging one's own, b) continued investment of self-esteem in the ability to control both oneself and others, c) anxiety and boundary distortions relating to intimacy and separation, d) difficulty expressing feelings, e) excessive worry how others may respond to one's feelings, f) undue fear of being hurt and/or rejected by others, g) self-esteem dependent on approval by others, h) tendency to ignore own values and attempt to adhere to the values of others.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

A Continued Journey

I am afraid that I've been too personal and honest in my posts, and I hope I haven't offended or discouraged anyone. If I have, I apologize. I am only trying to be a voice of truth and offer the simple realization that those of us struggling with loved ones who are addicted or suffer from depression are not alone. Our feelings and fears are valid. And while I know we are none of us alike and our situations are as different as they are the same, I know that everyone with these challenges feels loss. Feels...hopelessness and sorrow. And then struggles against the heavy weight of it all to find hope and faith.
I know that we all have our days when we want to be done. When we want to give up and give in to our fears and our anger. When we have given ALL we even know how to give, and it still isn't enough.
I also know, that we have put our hearts and our emotional health in the hands of everyone else, and we are trying to salvage and regain them in order to heal.
My experiences are not yours. But I hope that you will find even just a hint of encouragement in the knowledge that we are all trying to accomplish our own un-dependence.
Thanks for following what, for me, has been a difficult learning experience.
I am learning so much about myself by being able to share my feelings and experiences here.
I will keep writing, for me, and hope that in the process you will feel welcomed into the realm of my journey to recovery from my codependence. I am sure it will take more time than I would like, but I will continue down this path to emotional integrity and freedom from my need to control.
Here's to another day of letting go, and having faith.

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