Unconditional love...for me?

First of all, I posted a link to a quiz that helps you determine if you may be codependent. My disclaimer is this: The quiz is titled "Are you a victim of codpendency?" I don't actually agree with the way that it's worded, or the even the whole content of the quiz, but some of the questions may open your eyes to some codependent behaviors.
The reason I don't agree with the wording, is because I don't believe we are "victims" of codependency.  It's a habit and we have the choice to change our codependent tendencies.  When I hear the word victim, I think of someone who has fallen subject to a situation that was not in their control.  Codependency is learned and acquired and lived out of desperation and/or habit. So...there's my opinion on that!
What I actually wanted to write about today, and express, is what's been on my mind this whole week.  Love. Unconditional love.
When I think of unconditional love, my thoughts turn to my family, both immediate and extended. I also think of my close friends. But over the course of this last week, my mind has wandered to thoughts of unconditional love not only for my family and friends, but for myself. 
What does unconditional love for myself mean? What does it require? Why is it so difficult for me to feel and comprehend sometimes?
So much of what I believe concerning this topic, is directly related to my spirituality! Everything in my life is directly related to my spirituality. So, it would be very difficult to express my thoughts and feelings on unconditional love if I left those important things out. I hope that those of you who may not totally agree with my spiritual views will be open and understanding to the principles shared, and that they are from my own perspective and life experiences.
To begin to answer the questions above, I started thinking about what my own thought processes are during the day. I realized, after paying closer attention to what I was thinking in repsonse to daily stress and situations, that I am extrememly hard on myself in regard to expectations I have of myself.
If I make even a simple mistake, I often wonder about my progress in life. I will berate myself and feel disappointed that I didn't do better, or I wish I had done it differently.
I will often hear a comment about how wonderful "so-and-so" is and how beautiful someone else is, or what a good, patient, loving mother and wife someone else is, and even though I know that I am not the same woman as any of these other women, and even though I have my own strengths and gifts, I tend to think that I should be doing what they are doing, or thinking the same way they think, or working out and eating the same diet as they do, so I can look as good as they do.
I was discussing this idea with my husband, and he had some great insights that he said I could share.

He said that he feels that the reason that we have a difficult time loving ourselves and forgiving ourselves, is because we know our every flaw, our intent, our feelings, our short-comings and our weaknesses, that most likely are not seen by those around us, with exception of our spouses and children. Even then, they do not know our thoughts or intimate feelings most the time.
When we do wrong, we feel it the hardest. When we hurt, we feel it deeply. We are more conscious and aware of ourselves and misgivings that anyone else. So, it's easier to see the good and best of others, rather than in ourselves.
I think he nailed it on the head! That's exactly what I do, at least!
While I understand that some of these thoughts may serve as motivation to do better in some areas, I am also keenly aware, that for me, most of the time, my thoughts go from "I could improve in that area" to getting very down on myself for not doing certain things, not having the time or energy to do the things I want to or should be doing, or I have even begun to think that every struggle I'm experiencing my life is because I was not enough in one way or another.
This is not healthy motivation. It is, of course, a form of codependency.
In the book, Codependent No More, there is a chapter entitled, "Have a Love Affair With Yourself." When I first read the title, I honestly almost totally skipped over it. It sounded selfish and didn't make sense to me how this could be a step to recovering from codependence. However, after I began reading the section, I realized that it was a key step to recovery. 
She mentions how we codependents tend to take responsibility for way more than is ours to take, and that as we do so, we tend to feel the weight of the responsibility that really isn't all ours. We start to blame ourselves for way too much. We even think that if we were someone else that the people we love wouldn't be hurting us the way they are.
As I read this, and totally connected with it, I realized that I have felt it was my duty not only to take responsiblity for my loved ones, but also, that I needed to save them, somehow. If I could save them and fix the problem, then I would be free from the weight of responsibility I had taken on. I would be able to be me, and do what I felt I needed to do.
It is amazing to me to look at myself now, from where I was even two months ago.
I was a miserable person. I thought I was doing just what I needed to do to gain control and move my life in the direction I wanted and needed it to go in.
Now, I realize that I am in control of NOTHING, aside from my own actions and how I choose to respond to difficulty, and choose to disagree with others.
I know I have mentioned this before in my posts, and I will mention it again, because I need to remind myself, but when we truly love ourselves, and know who we are, we will act differently and make different and better decisions in our lives.
Who are we then? Here's where the spirituality comes in...
Everyone has different beliefs, but mine are solid and I know that I am a literal spirit daughter of my Heavenly Father.  I know Him, and I know He loves me. He sent His only Begotten Son, Jesus Christ, to atone for my sins, so that I could return to live with Him again, and with my family, eternally in His presence.
When I am able to have this perspective in place, and I move forward in the day with this knowledge, I invariable have a remarkable day! I have made small, different choices than I would have normally made, and those choices have led me to feel the love of my Heavenly Father on a deeper level.
The bottome line for me, is that when I remember who I am, that I have the love of my Heavenly Father, then I feel more at peace with what I am able to do, and love myself in spite of my short-comings and struggles.
It has become so much easier for me to let go of my codependent behaviors as I have started to really allow myself to love myself.  I am slowing starting to see the goodness in me. The attributes that make me a great mom and the talents I am blessed with.
I am not perfect, and I'm sure that I won't be in this life. But I can be patient with myself. I can forgive myself and others. I can be gentle with myself and realize that I don't need to be someone else or take responsibility for someone else's short-comings. And most of all, I canvlove myself, unconditionally, when I remember who I truly am. That fact will never change. And it is the same for all of you! I know it!
God bless you all, and remember to love yourselves this week, for who YOU truly are!