As easy as 1-2-3?

I realized something pretty amazing about myself last night.
I was reading through my Addiction Recovery Program guide for Families of Addicts book, and was contemplating the first step. Honesty. It states "Our honesty allowed us to surrender to the truths that we are powerless to control, manage, or save others and that even though we may try, we cannot remove anyone's God-given agency to choose."
Was that really what I have been doing? Trying to remove others' God-given agency? No...I don't want to do that. I just want them to choose what I want them to. They're still making the choice, it's just the right choice for me. For our family. Right? I've been living the plan I fought so hard against in the pre-existence. I fought for this opportunity for growth and to be obedient to my Heavenly Father. I wanted to do it His way. I am sad to say, I haven't been doing a very good job of living His plan the way I agreed to.
As I am recognizing codependence and it's many faces, I am also beginning to realize why it's more difficult for me, as a codependent, than it seems to be for many others, to impliment steps 2 and 3 in the program...in my life.
Step 2 is: Hope. Step 3 is: Trust In God.
When I first opened my program guide book, and read the steps, I honestly thought to myself, "I have already done almost all of these. Do I really need this?"
Upon taking a closer look, I realize that the hope I had was not the kind of hope I needed. And that the Trust in God I thought I had given, wasn't in fact the kind of trust He needed me to give.
Regarding hope, Boyd K. Packer, in the Nov. 1995 Ensign, said, that there would be "no habit, no addiction, no rebellion, no transgression, no offense exempted from the promise of complete forgiveness [and healing]."
This was the hope I needed, and not only for my loved one, but for myself. I needed hope in the Atonement and the love of my Savior. I needed to have hope and faith that the tender mercies of the Lord are not only "reserved for other people who appear to be more righteous or who serve in visible church callings." But to know that "the tender mercies of the Lord are available to all of us and that the Redeemer of Israel is eager to bestow such gifts upon us."(David A. Bednar, Ensign, May 2005)
I am worthy of the Lord's tender mercies, and so is my husband. We all are!
This is where trusting in God comes in. We let go of control, and exercise the faith that steps one and two helped us discover.
Once again, a codependent does not want to give up control. What else will I have? What if it hurts more? Could it hurt more?
I love this quote by Neal A. Maxwell:
"The submission of one's will is really the only uniquely personal thing we have to place on God's altar. It is a hard doctrine, but it is true. The many other things we give to God, however nice that may be of us, are actually things He has already given us, and He has loaned them to us. But when we begin to submit ourselves by letting our wills be swallwed up in God's will, then we are really giving something to Him."
The last paragraph of the third step in the program guide, states:
"Submission to God's will reduces strife and brings more meaning to our lives.  We accept responsibility for our own actions. We accept and treat others as we would like to be treated. We accept the truth that mortality is challenging and has the potential to bring us sorrow and frustration as well as happiness. We enjoy the serenity and strength that come from trusting God and in His goodness, power and love.  Now that we know that we can turn our will and our lives over to the care of God, we understand that we can also trust our loves ones to His care." (Family Support Guide, draft copy 2009)
To me, the sum of codepency are these things:
Unrealistic and unhealthy expectations of ourselves and others.
Fear that our desires and expectations have not been or will not be met.
Lack of knowledge or rememberance of our true divine worth.
I know that there are many more ingredients in the codependency mix, but for me, these are the hardest for me to over come.
In her book, Codependent No More, Meldoy Beattie states that "codependency is many things. It is a dependency on people- on their moods, behaviors, sickness or well-being, and their love." 
My goal for this weekend is to recognize what expectations I may have that are not healthy or realistic. To start letting go of those expectations. And more importantly, to stop depending on others moods, behaviors, sickness, well-being and love, and come to understand and know myself as a divine spirit daughter of my Heavenly Father.
"Recovery from codependency is exciting. It is liberating. It lets us be who we are. It lets other people be who they are. It helps us own our God-given power to think, feel, and act. It feels good. It brings peace. It enables us to love ourselves and others. It allows us to receive love-some of the good stuff we've all been looking for. It provides an optimum environment for the people around us to get and stay healthy." (Meldoy Beattie, Codependent No More, ch.4, Codependent Characteristics)
This is not an easy road...for me anyway. But it's a road that I am grateful to travel.