I am really trying to navigate the balance between selfless giving of one's self and unhealty caretaking; not getting hurt by things that are obviously meant to hurt; and to stop rescuing others from negative consequences that follow their poor choices, whether or not they affect me.
Anyone thoughts????
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Okay, so I just wrote a whole novel and it somehow got erased; I'll try to paraphrase. I think the delicate balance between selfless giving and unhealthy caretaking has to do with our expectations. If we can give from a place of love without expectations for a specific outcome, we can stay peaceful and healthily detached from a person's behavior. If there are expectations, then our giving becomes controlling. I believe the underlying "menace" behind unhealthy caretaking is fear. Fear of losing someone we love, fear of failing, fear of not doing enough, fear of something we are just sure we would not be able to handle if it should happen. I'm reading a good book right now that talks about experiencing and then pushing through those fears which create anxiety in our hearts. In order to rid ourselves of that anxiety, we attempt to control the thing that is causing our distress. This must be the point at which we acknowledge our fear and we trust the something or someOne is ultimately in control of the outcome. It's a tricky balance to maintain our hopes and dreams and not feel we have to manipulate and control the way they materialize or come to pass. I believe the Lord will help us as we trust him and practice letting go of how we think things should be. I have certainly not mastered this, or even remotely accomplished it, but I believe it's possible. I love you Sara!! Keep up the great work; you are so precious to me.
Thank you for this Tricia! I loved it. Every word! It's perfect!
The third step in the 12 step program is Trusting in God. That is so important. When we put our faith and trust in Him, that is when the peace and love flows into our hearts and we are able to forgive, move forward and know that He will provide and take care of us, and our loved ones!!
I love you so much! Thanks for following all this and sharing your thoughts! It means a lot to me!
xoxoxo
Good comments from Tricia. I'd like to know the answers to your questions as well! :) I am certainly not the one to answer the question - I feel like such a little toddler on this road to becoming not codependent. But I have been thinking a little about pain/hurt - maybe we need to not run from it so much. Or be afraid of it. I think that is where a lot of MY codependency comes from: fear of feeling hurt or pain. So how do you not be afraid of that? How do you allow that? Because we obviously don't want to be numb and never feel anything. Am I even asking the right question?
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