Where are my tools???

Why is it, as soon as you start learning something new, do the tests of your knowledge come so quickly?
I've have read chapter 5 in Melody Beattie's book 3 times now...and I'm still struggling to figure it out in my own slow mind.
Chapter 5 talks about "lovingly detaching." I have read through a lot of material about letting go. And just when I feel like I'm getting it. BAM! Testing time!!
These are the times when I feel weak. Like I'm not sure if I can love someone so very much, and stay out of their life...while living with them. How do you do that?
Bare with me while I think as I type?
What is detachment? Aren't we taught (at least in my culture) that you are to cleave to and become one with your spouse? So how do I do that and detach lovingly?
Melody says that "ideally, detachment is releasing, or detaching from a person, or problem in love." I need to be responsible for myself and not try to take responsibility for other's problems or try to solve problems that are not mine to solve.
I can honestly say, I have stopped doing that much.
Here is the kicker for me:
Melody also states that "we reliquish regrets over the past and fears about the future." This sounds pretty easy...until I try to do it.
Try as I may, I find it so hard to "let go" of everything that I've been holding onto. My past and my future. Good and bad. And live for today. One day at a time.
Jefferey R. Holland said, "the past is to be learned from, not lived in." I know that his words are true! I knowthey are! So, am I going crazy? Or is it just way easier said than done?
I know, I know...I need to read my last entry and focus on the second and third steps. I am. Believe me. I guess I am just feeling like I'm supposed to build a house from scratch with blue prints, but no tools.
I am trying to gain the tools to start building with.
More wisdom from Melody:
"detachment also involves accepting reality-the facts.  It requires faith-in ourselves, in God, in other people, and the natural order and destiny of things in this world...We release our burdens and cares, and give ourselves the freedom to enjoy life in spite of our unsolved problems. We trust that all is well in spite of conflicts. We trust that someone greater than us knows, has ordained, and cares about what is happening (this is where I would insert, we apply step 3, and let God's will swallow our own)...We try to stay out of His way and let Him do it. In time, we know that all is well because we see how the strangest (and sometimes most painful) things work out for the best, and for the benefit of everyone."
So, I was just re-reading this-again-and thought, "this would be much easier if I were really detached from the person and problem, and not bumping into it everyday." Now...comes the guilt. I don't want to feel that way. And I know that's not the real solution to my unhealthy living. Not to mention I love my family very much and want to make myself better for them, rather than running from them.
I just turned to Mosiah 4:9-10. Inspired!
It reads, "believe in God; believe that He is, and that he created all things, both in heaven and in earth; believe that he has all wisdom, and all power, both in heaven and in earth; believe that man doth not comprehend all the things which the Lord can comprehend. And again, believe that you must repent of your sins, and forsake them, and humble yoursleves before God; and ask in sincerity of heart, if He would forgive you; and now, if you believe all these things see that ye do them."
I will. I know I can. I am determined to heal and take one foot out of the past and the other out of the future and live for today, with faith in my Heavenly Father and His plan for me.
I wanted to post this poem-of sorts. It's in the Addict Family Support Guide, and I think I must pin it to my forehead!
"To let go does not mean to stop caring, it means I can't do it for someone else.
To let go is not to cut myself off, it's the realization that I can't control another.
To let go is not to enable, but to allow learning from natural consequences.
To let go is to admit powerlessness, which means the outcome is not in my hands.
To let go is not to care for, but care about (love that one).
To let go is not to fix, but to be supportive.
To let go is not to judge, but to allow another to be a human being.
To let go is not to be in the middle of arranging all the outcomes, but to allow others to effect their own outcomes.
To let go is not to be protective, but to permit another to face reality.
To let go is not to deny, but to accept.
To let go is not to nag, scold, or argue, but to search out my own shortcomings and to correct them.
To let go is not to critisize and regulate anyone, but to try to become what I [know] I can be.
To let go is is not to regret the past, but to grow and live for the future.
To let go is to fear less, and love more.
                                                                   ..author unknown
These are tools I need. I get it. Ok, fine. They were right in front of me the whole time. I just need to pick them up, and use them...